all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
