Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just had sex bonerless
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
