I wish my penis had an off switch
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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