so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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