whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
