Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
