guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
