Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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