i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
