Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
