you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize