remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
