Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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