if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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