I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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