Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
