I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
