I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You were trust falling into bushes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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