is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
