You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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