I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
