u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
