Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.

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(206): View more from Washington

On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...

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(404): View more from Georgia

Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?

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(954): View more from Florida

Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?

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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.

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(619): View more from California

you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.

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(512): View more from Texas

Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender

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(224): View more from Illinois

She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would

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