i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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