Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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