you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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