i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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