So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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