Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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