i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
