You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
