I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
