so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
