All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
