Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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