The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
