I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
