A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
