im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
