I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
