I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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