I bet he comes in French.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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