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i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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