Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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