I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
