my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
