Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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