Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
