1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
