I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
