To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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