I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
