Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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