hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
