I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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