I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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