if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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