No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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