So drunk its hurt
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
