Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
