if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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