did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
