why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
