All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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